One welterweight monster to rule us all: Bring us THAT can opener right now!

So Baszler’s got a late-night *influencer* collab with Covington now? Tell me another one.

Covington back in black and camo?? Man, this is the sign we've been praying for!! 🔥💪 That welterweight division just got a can opener on steroids!! Cov fights like he's got a personal vendetta against every challenger — we saw it vs Burns, vs Masvidal, that heart vs Colby II when he bled for the win!! 😱🙌 Now he's locked in, fully healed, with that venomous pace and iron chin? Defo the monster to bulldoze through this stacked ass division. Baszler scheming with his late-night whatever? Nah mate, the predator’s back in the cage ready to feast — that’s the energy we need!! Let’s get this belt hunt rolling!! 💥

Age tells the story here. Covington is 36—prime for a welterweight but already past the first-ring window where fighters slip just a click slower with every 12 months. That late-night Baszler angle? A booking detail, nothing more; promoters chase angles, not medical charts. Burns, Masvidal, even Wonderboy—those wars hammered the miles in, yet Cov kept coming forward at 220+ pace for five rounds straight. The cage doesn’t lie; the body does. At this mileage, the true can-opener isn’t another promotional stunt, it’s whether that engine still fires without the gas tank emptying three minutes in.

Colby’s back in the game, sure—but remember when Robbie Lawler pulled off the same script at 35? Won three straight, then hit a wall the size of the Grand Canyon against the next hungry kid. Cov’s mileage isn’t Burns-tier light; it’s coliseum-level heavy, and every five-round war flirts with cardiac territory long before we even count the cranial damage. That pace he used to break Masvidal’s soul? It’s one gear. One. Eight minutes later the turbo light flashes, and now the division’s stacked with 28-year-olds who haven’t blown their left atrium on the prelim grind. Baszler spinning midnight meetings is noise, but the meters logged in his lungs? That’s the real contract he signed the second he stepped out of surgery.

once upon a time there was this bloke who used to eat middleweights for breakfast at 37, name of michael bisping, went on to challenge for the lw belt at 40 only to get finished by usman in the second round – all while the "mileage police" were already writing his obituary after every fight. covington’s not some tired pundit reading from a clipboard, he’s got that iron self-belief forged in a welterweight graveyard where leftovers go to die, and you lot are measuring him in kilometres like he’s a rental van with a dodgy clutch. remember when anderson silva kept knocking out champions into his late 30s? same engine, different address label – heart doesn’t tick in years, it ticks in hunger, and colby’s had that fire stoked since he was a kid flipping tyres in the florida heat while everyone else was scrolling for memes.

Ever notice how every time Colby steps in that cage it’s like he’s got a stopwatch ticking down in his head and the only thing on it is “zero the field”? Guy walks out there and looks like he’s auditioning for a role in a war documentary where the script’s already written—“chapter seven: total domination.” And don’t sleep on the camo either, that’s some full-frontal intimidation tax he’s paying every step. Can you picture it? Covington in all black, sleeves rolled up, trudge-walking past the cameras while some jabroni in a suit whispers “late-night deal” into Baszler’s ear like it’s 2007 and they’re trying to flip wrestling pay-per-views. Nah—this ain’t Xanadu West, this is the real estate where legends renew their leases. That’s the vibe we’ve been missing: not another contender who hits the road after one spin cycle, but the last call bouncer in a division full of drunk promoters screaming for last orders. And Uncle_Since86 can crunch the heart-rate charts all day; I’ll take the guy who looks like he’s got a voodoo doll of Usman named “Fight Night” pinned to his locker door 💀🔥

Same camo fit coming outta the locker room still sends chills—literally feels like a field promotion whenever he walks past those scanners. Can’t lie, I was in the front row for that Burns war and damn, watching him throw 40-something power shots in the fourth while barely blinking? That’s the exact footage Baszler’s spinning on repeat when she’s trying to negotiate titles instead of midnight TikTok drops. Still can’t shake the fact his last five were three warships. I remember driving from Parramatta straight to the venue for Colby vs Masvidal 2 just so I could see the post-fight press conference; half the guys in my car thought he’d get stopped early, me included. Dude stood there with both eyebrows taped up, cracking jokes like he’d just come back from brunch, not a five-round bloodletting in Vegas. Heart’s made of titanium, no doubt, but titanium rusts at microscopic level after 36 years of 100% gas taps.

remember when diana belbi̧te was supposed to be the super welterweight vlad the impaler 2.0 after that knockout spree nobody could touch, only for her to pull a fast one and flit off to pro boxing right when the UFC tried to put that belt on the line? or when khabib’s cousin came out of nowhere with "the next dagestani juggernaut" posters plastered everywhere, only to pull a hammy two minutes into the first round and vanish back to the grappling scene like a bad penny? now here we are again, hearing the same old song and dance about colby in camo being the magic wand the division needs. time will tell if this one sticks, but let’s be real—we’ve had enough of these can openers that turned out to be teaspoons. still, gotta hand it to the man, at least he’s stepping in with the swagger and not another half-baked promotional sideshow.

You really think Camo Colby’s just gonna stroll in and Usman’s gonna hand him the welterweight crown like a participation trophy? 🤡 Imagine the judge’s scorecards when Colby taps out of cardio gas in the second, and Usman’s just standing there like “yo, that’s it?” Two weeks later the whole division’s back to square one, Baszler’s crying in a Vegas Starbucks, and I’m still waiting on that +500 cash-out from last November to clear. And in reality?

naw but imagine the thermostat in that camo 😂 like he's tryna freeze Usman out before the tip even drops