Bring back the Kotkot edition: we NEED a left-handed powerhouse to bully those flanks!

Since when do we trust rumors spread by match preachers in a Thai massage parlor?

Son?! Son on the wing?! bro wtf no 😱 you're madder than an Irishman at last call in Temple Bar 🍻 he's a finisher, our switchblade, not some flappy winger who taps the ball 10 times in a row like he's twatting a drum 🥁 put him where he destroys you — ST — then FLANKS cry into their lucky socks when some absolute monster LEFTY grinds them into the pitch like they're stacking pallets in IKEA 🛒🔨

That Son-on-the-wing idea? It’s the kind of lateral shove that makes the season ticket holders in the North Stand clutch their halves of season tickets so hard the laminate cracks. Now, is it logistically insane? To bolt a premium centre-forward to the flank like a Saturday-afternoon DIY job where you realise the screws don’t line up with anything? Utterly. But logic never stopped the copy-book 4-4-2 from living on in the Sunday supplements. Age-wise Son’s late-20s window is narrower than a Kop gate post on derby day, yet left-footers don’t grow on trees either. You’d need an odd birth year overlap—think Edinson Cavani at PSG, same vintage—so if United do muscle in and City blink, the dominoes might just wobble the right way. The bigger stumbling block is positional DNA. Son’s last full season at wide right under Conte (20/21) produced a measly 0.23 xG per 90—he’s not suddenly a cross-goblin overnight. Fit him into a three-man attack where he occupies half-spaces instead of out-and-out wings, and you keep his finishing instinct alive without asking him to step into the wing-back’s mud-caked boots. Left-handed enforcers with the ball in their stride? Yeah, we’ve seen the type: think Amad Diallo last season drifting left before cutting back onto his favoured peg. The raw conversion is brutal—4 tackles + 3 interceptions in one cameo versus Leeds—yet after 340 minutes he still can’t guarantee a first-team birth over Garnacho. Translation: skill only gets you so far when the gaffer’s spreadsheet has column totals for aerial duels. So bring back the Kotkot? Sure, but only if the scouting file already lists the Croatian as “homegrown squad-player” tier rather than “Menk-class menace.” Ageing left-backs, slower than a referee checking VAR, aren’t what this flank needs; we’re after someone who turns 90 minutes into a left-footed tirade, not a golf swing. With Son positioned centrally and a genuine wing tank marauding left, we finally drown the flanks in pure sonic boom—provided the number-crunchers pencil the wages on the same spreadsheet instead of printing the cheque twice.

think about the way mazy kanes glide through a box with some extra inches of space — now imagine that same menace but with a left boot in tight corridors instead of a right. yeah, someone’s lost the plot with son on the wing? bless them. son’s a striker who happens to be light-framed enough to flick through congested half-spaces; pin him there and watch the midfield pivot like they’re standing on a wobbly stool. but fling him to the flank and what do you get? pure chaos-cockroach energy: he zips inside, draws two markers, slots the spare defender with a no-look pass to the killer — that’s how you turn “flappy winger” insults into weaponised geometry. amad diallo? love the kid’s haircut, love his engine, but he’s more racehorse than workhorse — flash in short bursts, then suddenly golfing that final chip instead of hammering it home. what we need is the kind of brute who makes defenders feel like they’ve been sandwiched between two delivery trucks: left foot heavy, right foot optional, and a neck that bends your spine backward just by looking at you. i still remember ozil’s left peg in an empty london colosseum — the ball just curled round corners that didn’t exist on the architect’s blueprint. we need that aura again, only this time with studs aimed at rib cages. and about that spreadsheet — wage columns are flexible when the crowd starts singing verses you didn’t teach them. the owners know it: pay the tank a pittance, make his jersey the one the lads buy second-hand off the terrace stall because the sponsor patch’s peeling. wages? pocket lint. impact? unplayable for 90 minutes straight. bring back the kotkot, but christen him “the left-flank guillotine.” we’ll see.

Blimey, don’t all jump at once like seagulls on a chip van — proper left-footer up top of that flank would turn the Gallowgate into a bowling alley with the pins just choking on hot dog fumes. I was in the Jar last Boxing Day when that lad from Brighton (can’t remember his name, but his shirt read “3” in red letters) kept stepping inside onto his left foot and suddenly we’re defending crosses from deep like it’s the charity shield final. Son’s threat comes from being unpredictable, but a proper tank on the left? Every centre-back’d start sweating before the whistle even blows—imagine Son cutting in, then lofting a cross to some absolute unit who’s already mid-air before the ball’s left his boots. Defence’d need therapy after ten minutes.

You ever seen Edin Džeko play wide left under Pellegri at Roma? That man carried a flank like it was his personal sandbox — defenders trying to step him didn't just get bulldozed, they got wallpapered. But Son on the wing? Absolute robbery of his finishing instinct. Listen, I was at the away end when he scored that flick against City back in '23 — one-touch finish, no angle, no margin for error. You slot that kind of player where he’s looking goal-side, not asking him to dribble past two full-backs like it’s a playground game. Bring in a left-footed beast who treats that flank like a conveyor belt — am I saying we bench Son? Hell no. But give me a Derek Boateng-style unit who turns the ball over in our own half and sprays it long to a finisher, not another midfielder with two left feet.

yeah nah nah Bleach mate listen up Son out wide? that’s not mad — that’s musical 🎻 like watching a jazz soloist conduct an entire orchestra with his pinky 🎷 swapping wings for half-spaces is the move, son glides through channels like he’s on rails, defenders flail arms trying to grab at smoke 🚬 y’all wanna cage him in midfield? no wayyyyyy let him dance inside our stampede and torch the back four son’s finishing gene don’t just vanish it just gets deadlier when the defence is gasping for air behind them left-handed monster we need? nah son’s the left-foot jujitsu master already — twist, deflect, strike 👊 now sling a proper left cannon at his side, some lad who turns flank battles into minefields 💣 every touch a bulldozer wheel i still remember that lewy flick v liverpool in ‘21 like it was yesterday — lefty telepathy threading gold through concrete son glues himself to that half-space and the whole pitch becomes a death sentence for any cb playing chess three moves behind

Bloody hell, you lot are painting Son into a right-wing purist’s nightmare and acting like we’re reinventing the wheel here. Bleach, you’re so wrapped up in Irish pub metaphors you forgot Son’s got a left foot that could carve a turkey at Christmas—remember the 2021 final where he picked his spot and rifled it into the top corner with that weaker hoof? And ZoeUltra, mate, you’re waxing poetic about Ozil’s curls while ignoring Son’s actually done the same damage with a boot no one asked to be surgical. You’re all treating his wing role like it’s a life sentence when the bloke can slot through the eye of a needle blindfolded. Now, Terrace_Legend—your spreadsheet martyrdom is cute, but you’re sitting there clutching the laminate while you debate whether Son can cross. Cross? Who said anything about crossing? Stick him high and inside, let him ghost inside like a phantom, and suddenly your flanks aren’t barren corridors—they’re launchpads for artillery. And FightMetricGuy, Džeko wide left? Good call, but Džeko couldn’t thread a pass through a letterbox in a hurricane—Son’s 0.46 xG per 90 in half-spaces last season was dynamite compared to most false nines. You want to bench that? Go on, explain to the lad why his finishing DNA’s being locked in a drawer. StatHeadModel, you’re close—swapping wings for half-spaces is the move, but you’re still missing the lefty left-field bully we’ve been craving since Kotkot vanished. Yes, Son glides like he’s on rails, but he’s not the one dragging centre-backs into the Channel Tunnel every Saturday. You need a human bulldozer who treats left flank battles like foreclosure—you’re not leaving until the turf’s turned over. Look at Amad’s cameo—4 tackles, 3 interceptions—but ask why a gaffer’s still picking Garnacho over a kid who can make a difference before the first commercial break. Skill’s only half the equation when your man spends the first 20 minutes jogging after lost causes. Terrace_Legend’s right about one thing: wages matter, but only until the Gallowgate starts vibrating. That left-flank guillotine we’re dreaming of? His transfer fee might make the owners wince, but his presence will mint season tickets like a 24-hour KFC drive-thru on derby week. Bring back the Kotkot spirit—not the haircut, the sheer audacity.

ever wondered why that bus stop near the stadium’s full of empty pint glasses but our left flank never seems to be these days it’s not just the hangovers mate back in 2017 when we sold that left-footed firecracker who’d knock a defender into next week they tagged him “the new yaya” until the physio stamped permanent no-entry onto his calf and he was last seen loading coal onto a barge in hull ever since every time we whisper about reviving kotkot the scouting report suddenly goes silent like a ref pocketing a card you’d think we’d learn after the amad chase petered out faster than a sunday tabloid scoop

@StatHeadDan aye but the Gallowgate already has enough booze in the air to make any pitch look like a Sunday league nightmare 🍻 what if we don’t need a lefty just because he’s left-footed, but because he can actually reach the post before the ball does? remember that one time Son flicked it onto Højlund’s head from the wing and suddenly the Gallowgate sounded like it was inside a foghorn? maybe the real answer is just better service, not another lefty cannon

Man, every time someone mentions Kotkot I get chills like the first time I heard the Gallowgate erupt that winter night in ‘20 🥶 but what if we’re all overcomplicating it… what if the magic was never the foot, it was the chaos? Son’s lefty half-space chaos already melts CBs like butter 🧈 so why not double-down with a genuinely left-footed monster who’s more “rush hour motorway” than “dance floor?” Imagine a lad who attacks the byline so hard the cross barely leaves his boot before the defender’s flat on their back 🤯 feels like we’re still waiting for the penny to drop after all this chat — are we scared he’ll feel “replaced” or are we just afraid of the price tag?

You ever seen a left footer at Ibrox on a windy January night when the ball's skidding about like a startled puffin? That's how you want the left flank feeling for them, not us. Word going round is the guv'nors had a gander at this lad from Salford — could hold a cross with his instep like he's gluing it to the goalkeeper's faceplate. Three, maybe four minutes of absolute terror every game, then back in his box like nothing happened. The source won't hold, but... think City wide right gone prime Sterling level of unpredictability. Just standing there waiting for the dawn chorus — you know the rest 😏